Thursday, January 9, 2014

Post 9

Musings while walking through Prudential shopping center

There's so much affluence here, It makes me self conscious. I don't feel comfortable here. This world that I've been taught to desire, these goals to which I've been told to aspire. It doesn't seem right. I feel like an intruder. I feel like my clothing, my shoes, my coat all scream out, "Discount! Discount! No retail priced purchases here!"

I feel like I traipse around in so much borrowed finery and they can see right through me down to the humble beginnings that most can claim or relate to anyway. But who are "they" and why does their opinion matter? What am I trying to prove?

I like to see myself as the enlightened and battle scarred young woman of color, wise beyond her years. I have realized that I cannot find my own worth in name brand clothing and makeup, my degree, my world travels, my talents, skills and capabilities.

No, because valuing myself by these things inherently devalues those who do not share in my victories. And in the end, these things pass.

I've decided that simply existing is enough to declare that I'm precious. And the same goes for you. When we were both just glimmers of our parents' imaginations, stored potential finally released, God knew us by name. There in the womb we were already known and loved, deeply, no matter the outside circumstance.

known fully,
and LOVED! fully
Just as we were, having done nothing to deserve this.
known fully
and LOVED! fully

Through  all, so that we could unlock and set into motion the glorious and divine potential within us.
I take joy in my Creator and in what He has created, and in Him I find my worth.

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