So, this overnight prayer service, I can definitely say, was the first time I've led worship for the church I currently attend in Italy, outside of a small group context. I'd been leading worship at small group meetings somewhat regularly before I went back to the U.S. for Christmas.
Not long after attending this church I wanted to join the worship team, but one thins after another prevented me from being involved in the way I had hoped. After this last night though I feel, I am sure rather, that everything happened as it did for a reason. I think a large part of my motivation was self aggrandizing. I cared more about people recognizing me and my talent than the God who gifted me in the first place.
Over time I've been laying these feelings down as the Holy Spirit reveals to me. I stopped pursuing the worship team, the very platform from which I had hoped to launch myself. I was happy with small group worship and I am sure that was the better place for me.
I questioned why I volunteered for prayer service until I decided to stop always doubting and second guessing myself. If God trusted me with these gifts why shouldn't I trust that He was leading me to use them in a holy manner? Why shouldn't I trust that He had brought me to where I needed to be? I knew my motivations would be revealed to me.
I think the enemy tries to keep us in a place of fear, especially regarding past mistakes. If we trust in the healing and transformational power of the Holy Spirit then we cannot have fear. I would have missed a wonderful time of worship and sharing the word had I allowed fear to get the better of me.
It was almost like Kalisz again: a beautiful body of believers worshipping in different languages, all unified by our love for Christ. Beautiful.
Here's a pic someone snapped during worship.