I've been feeling lately that my preoccupation with finding a partner has begun to take up too much of my mental and emotional energy. Spiritual energy too, now that I think about it. I felt a spiritual encouragement to let it go and stop fretting over it. This feeling was confirmed for me during a conversation with a friend this afternoon. She shared from a Joseph Prince teaching that blessed her. She said that one way to look at things is to see all the various areas of our lives as tubes, and God sends His blessings down those tubes. We've got our financial tube, our relational tube, other tubes that I can't think of, etc.
So, what happens is that when the enemy sees God getting ready to send you a blessing, he sends difficulty in that area, and in our lack of faith we grab on to the tube and knot it with our worrying and begging God to save us. That stops the supernatural flow of things. The blessing is already on it's way, and all we need to do is thank God for the mercy coming our way. Then we trump the devil and the tube is left free to let God's blessing flow.
So, this is sticking with me, and I'm sticking with it. This isn't the easiest thing for me to do, I suppose. I've been single for oh, six years now? And my only relationship was senior year of high school. No offense to my ex, but I knew from the beginning that it was a mistake. The holy Spirit told me no, but my flesh said, "Do you really want to graduate high school never having had a boyfriend? So uncool!" I will say that that experience has made me never want to disobey the Spirit on such matters ever again. If I don't feel a green light from God, or if I feel a "No", I don't consider the guy as a candidate.
Lately though I've gotten impatient, and so I'm coming back to square one. I'm almost ashamed that I've been in Italy this long and I'm still single. Everyone and their mother assumed I wouldn't make it three months without some dashing Italian male sweeping me off my feet, and some of my colleagues last year were embarrassed by the longevity of my singleness. "What are our young men doing?!", they questioned. So did I...
But then, it's not as if men didn't hit on me in my time here. I just didn't feel any green lights from the Spirit. I do have to say as well that there is need of some healing on my part. Someone once suggested that I push away guys who like me and set my cap at what I feel is unattainable so I don't have to actually deal with relationships. I just stay in a sort of limbo land of maybes and hopefuls. And after that last relationship, I can see where this might be true. No more!
If I believe that the Lord my God is a great chain breaker, healer, deliverer, and provider of every good thing, then I have nothing to worry about! I am already taken care of, and the man that God has prepared for me won't be perfect, but he'll be perfect for me. :)
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