Lord I find You in the seeking
I seek Your face and You shine upon me
You call me Your own
Your beloved
Your precious daughter
Your little princess
You place Your robe of righteousness about my shoulders and I stand tall. I stand with head raised high, back straight and shoulders even.
Not because I am prideful, but because You have made me whole and I can boast in You.
"Look!", I say. "Look how far my Lord has brought me!"
"Look!", I say again. "Look what my Lord has seen me through!"
He has brought me through valleys and led me beside streams of flowing waters.
He has set me upon a firm foundation so that when storms come and the wind blows I will not be shaken.
I will not be moved.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Saturday, December 20, 2014
Rainy Days
---from a rainy day a week or so ago
Today it is raining. No, pouring.
It is pouring so hard that I can easily imagine it's a cat or a dog running into me at full speed.
The rain soaks through the layers of my clothing and I think that this makes for an excellent weight training opportunity.
Everyone is running through the streets, some bravely forging ahead, the safety of their umbrellas be damned.
I am one of the many who braves the weather without an umbrella. I think mine wouldn't have been useful anyway. Even if I had remembered it was in the bottom of my purse.
Every seat on every bus and train is wet.
Well, that's what it seems like.
At first this was all frustrating, but as I get off the bus and the water I had wrung out of my coat soaks back in, I remember, and I laugh.
Slick skin, bathing suits, shower caps, and the warm Honduran rain, my cousins and I run around in mother nature's sprinkler.
I always wondered if I would come down with something, but Grandmother assured me these times being out in the rain wouldn't make me sick.
Inside the lobby I stand dripping, same slick skin, my coat likely ruined, my natural hair that needs no shower cap already curling in on itself from the water, and I laugh again.
It is good to remember I like the rain.
Today it is raining. No, pouring.
It is pouring so hard that I can easily imagine it's a cat or a dog running into me at full speed.
The rain soaks through the layers of my clothing and I think that this makes for an excellent weight training opportunity.
Everyone is running through the streets, some bravely forging ahead, the safety of their umbrellas be damned.
I am one of the many who braves the weather without an umbrella. I think mine wouldn't have been useful anyway. Even if I had remembered it was in the bottom of my purse.
Every seat on every bus and train is wet.
Well, that's what it seems like.
At first this was all frustrating, but as I get off the bus and the water I had wrung out of my coat soaks back in, I remember, and I laugh.
Slick skin, bathing suits, shower caps, and the warm Honduran rain, my cousins and I run around in mother nature's sprinkler.
I always wondered if I would come down with something, but Grandmother assured me these times being out in the rain wouldn't make me sick.
Inside the lobby I stand dripping, same slick skin, my coat likely ruined, my natural hair that needs no shower cap already curling in on itself from the water, and I laugh again.
It is good to remember I like the rain.
Friday, December 19, 2014
Thankful
What's up folks!
I don't even know what to write! Well, I'll start with ICOM.
It was a lovely conference that I was grossly unprepared for. I forgot my business cards and despite being a Posse scholar, I didn't really understand networking until about halfway in.
I did eventually get the hang of it though, and had a stellar time getting to know people while supporting Go Missions with Alisa, my missions partner.
While at ICOM, two things stood out for me. An increased passion to see the end of human trafficking, and a need to clear up some trust issues I was having with God and finances.
In the interest of keeping things simple, here's a list of things I've been thankful for over the past month.
I don't even know what to write! Well, I'll start with ICOM.
It was a lovely conference that I was grossly unprepared for. I forgot my business cards and despite being a Posse scholar, I didn't really understand networking until about halfway in.
I did eventually get the hang of it though, and had a stellar time getting to know people while supporting Go Missions with Alisa, my missions partner.
While at ICOM, two things stood out for me. An increased passion to see the end of human trafficking, and a need to clear up some trust issues I was having with God and finances.
In the interest of keeping things simple, here's a list of things I've been thankful for over the past month.
- Meeting the owners of clothing company 1Body 1Spirit. We connected and they agreed to sponsor the radio show I'm starting! In return, they get sponsor promotion on the show and station, and I manage their social media accounts for them. It's been a wild ride and a crazy blast!
- Italy: I've been staying in touch with friends in Italy through mail and skype, and it has been such an incredible blessing! They always say what I need to hear, even if it's not what I wasnt to hear ;).
- Making new friends, reconnecting with family
- Stepping into newfound freedom with all I've got
- Learning where to hold on where to let go, and growing in the process
- Starting a new radio show!
Honestly, while there are difficulties in this life of mine, I can't really complain all that much. I'd much rather focus on the happy moments.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
On the road again
Hello folks!
Generally when I don't post for awhile it's because I'm processing something that I'd rather not have spill over into the waves of the internet. That has definitely been the case for me these past few weeks. I felt as if I were under an all-out assault, and it seemed as if every area of my life was going down the tubes and it was all my fault.
But I've been faced with difficulty before.
When the bottom dropped out I sought the Lord and He proved Himself faithful. Where there once was captivity there is now freedom, and where there was uncertainty, I now have peace. Not everything is where I might like it to be, or the way I would like it to be, but I've learned that perhaps that's a good thing.
So, now that I've finally recovered from the blows of circumstance, I am gearing up for my next trip as an EFM missionary. This time Alisa and I are going to Columbus, Ohio for the ICOM 2014. The International Conference on Missions.
While certainly not as glamorous a location as Poland or Italy, I've found that the Lord is good on adventure no matter where you are.
I'm excited to network and make connections, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this all connects. I am a worship leader at my church, but we will have to have the continuing conversation about the fact that I cannot guarantee my presence on Sundays, and that if we go forward with me leading a weekly worship session, someone might have to cover for me every now and then. Not to mention the clear and fabulous progress being made with the radio show.
I dove into "Godly activities" when things in my life started going sour, and now it feels like my life has gone back to the hustle and bustle rhythm I've been used to.
When life is busy though, one must set priorities, and what you choose to give (or not give) your time to is a large indicator of the prevalence that thing takes in your life. So before I start dropping the ball on things, I want to set early on what I can and cannot give my time to, and what I will and will not give my time to.
Currently, my time is being given to four days in Ohio meeting international missionaries! Again and again I realize that reaching the nations can happen in so many different ways, and I'm looking forward to the mental expansion I sense is on the way.
Generally when I don't post for awhile it's because I'm processing something that I'd rather not have spill over into the waves of the internet. That has definitely been the case for me these past few weeks. I felt as if I were under an all-out assault, and it seemed as if every area of my life was going down the tubes and it was all my fault.
But I've been faced with difficulty before.
When the bottom dropped out I sought the Lord and He proved Himself faithful. Where there once was captivity there is now freedom, and where there was uncertainty, I now have peace. Not everything is where I might like it to be, or the way I would like it to be, but I've learned that perhaps that's a good thing.
So, now that I've finally recovered from the blows of circumstance, I am gearing up for my next trip as an EFM missionary. This time Alisa and I are going to Columbus, Ohio for the ICOM 2014. The International Conference on Missions.
While certainly not as glamorous a location as Poland or Italy, I've found that the Lord is good on adventure no matter where you are.
I'm excited to network and make connections, and I'm looking forward to seeing how this all connects. I am a worship leader at my church, but we will have to have the continuing conversation about the fact that I cannot guarantee my presence on Sundays, and that if we go forward with me leading a weekly worship session, someone might have to cover for me every now and then. Not to mention the clear and fabulous progress being made with the radio show.
I dove into "Godly activities" when things in my life started going sour, and now it feels like my life has gone back to the hustle and bustle rhythm I've been used to.
When life is busy though, one must set priorities, and what you choose to give (or not give) your time to is a large indicator of the prevalence that thing takes in your life. So before I start dropping the ball on things, I want to set early on what I can and cannot give my time to, and what I will and will not give my time to.
Currently, my time is being given to four days in Ohio meeting international missionaries! Again and again I realize that reaching the nations can happen in so many different ways, and I'm looking forward to the mental expansion I sense is on the way.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
Ask me for the nations...
Very recently (yesterday, in fact), I was having one of my random bursts of manic energy. Usually these occur around the time I go to the gym, where I can take full advantage of them. Not so yesterday. So instead, I decided to work my brain muscle and began outlining this rather recent dream of mine: starting a Christian radio show.
I had nothing to do really, sitting in the atrium of the school where I was substituting, and so I guiltlessly put pen to paper, waiting to see what show titles and mission statements would come to me. None did. So then I prayed (wish I had sooner...), and everything just came in this rush of ideas and connections: a title, an alternative title if that one was already taken, a mission statement, tag line, twitter handle, and two logo options, one of which could simply be reserved as an alternative image for any possible future merchandise.
I felt this rush of excitement and as I sat looking over the words now spilling over the pages, I thanked God for His kindness. Then I felt more than heard, "Ask me for the nations, and I'll give them to you."
That was it! This was the word recently given to me by my ministry partner.
The show is about connecting nations and connecting people to opportunities to serve. I looked up to see the flags of Honduras, Albania, Trinidad and Tobago, and so many other countries all around me. It was beautiful. I remembered the word. I remembered that I asked for the nations, and I remembered that God proves Himself faithful.
I began to see connections, and later that evening had the excitement of speaking with my spiritual father, who if anything, definitely knows how to encourage people in dreams.
So here I am, open to new adventures, and so excited to see how things turn out.
I had nothing to do really, sitting in the atrium of the school where I was substituting, and so I guiltlessly put pen to paper, waiting to see what show titles and mission statements would come to me. None did. So then I prayed (wish I had sooner...), and everything just came in this rush of ideas and connections: a title, an alternative title if that one was already taken, a mission statement, tag line, twitter handle, and two logo options, one of which could simply be reserved as an alternative image for any possible future merchandise.
I felt this rush of excitement and as I sat looking over the words now spilling over the pages, I thanked God for His kindness. Then I felt more than heard, "Ask me for the nations, and I'll give them to you."
That was it! This was the word recently given to me by my ministry partner.
The show is about connecting nations and connecting people to opportunities to serve. I looked up to see the flags of Honduras, Albania, Trinidad and Tobago, and so many other countries all around me. It was beautiful. I remembered the word. I remembered that I asked for the nations, and I remembered that God proves Himself faithful.
I began to see connections, and later that evening had the excitement of speaking with my spiritual father, who if anything, definitely knows how to encourage people in dreams.
So here I am, open to new adventures, and so excited to see how things turn out.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Dreams
I tend to be a dreamer, likely in every sense of the word. Right now two dreams are standing out to me. Maybe three.
When in Poland last week I had one of those stand out dreams. In the dream I had been napping, but an itch in the bend of my arm woke me. I moved to scratch and ended up with fingers covered in gold dust. It was all over my arms and upper body, and there was even this new gold inlay pattern set into the bottom of my jeans, that I only noticed when time fast forwarded and our team was leading a late night worship set. It was pretty cool, to say the least, and while I don't understand the dream in its entirety, certainly not all of it was lost on me.
The second dream was from last night. I had what seemed to be an assignment. One of my Italian professors in college, who was also my major advisor, had a beautiful stretch of cloth in a soft white color that had unfinished embroidery and crochet work. Knowing that I could do both, she asked me to finish the work, and I accepted, pushing aside that small feeling of not wanting to inconvenience myself.
I would be adding a pretty yellow/gold crocheted brocade, and floral and berry-like patterns in a rich red. Hints of other colors also caught my eyes. My professor seemed to think it would be easy for me.
As she smiled, she held the cloth up for me and that's when I realized it was actually a robe. I let her put it on me, realizing she was giving me the robe to keep because I had accepted the task of finishing it.
The robe looked too small for me, but somehow it worked. I would adjust, adapt, change.
This particular dream is not clear for me. What have I agreed to finish? What's the symbol here? I'll find out eventually ;).
When in Poland last week I had one of those stand out dreams. In the dream I had been napping, but an itch in the bend of my arm woke me. I moved to scratch and ended up with fingers covered in gold dust. It was all over my arms and upper body, and there was even this new gold inlay pattern set into the bottom of my jeans, that I only noticed when time fast forwarded and our team was leading a late night worship set. It was pretty cool, to say the least, and while I don't understand the dream in its entirety, certainly not all of it was lost on me.
The second dream was from last night. I had what seemed to be an assignment. One of my Italian professors in college, who was also my major advisor, had a beautiful stretch of cloth in a soft white color that had unfinished embroidery and crochet work. Knowing that I could do both, she asked me to finish the work, and I accepted, pushing aside that small feeling of not wanting to inconvenience myself.
I would be adding a pretty yellow/gold crocheted brocade, and floral and berry-like patterns in a rich red. Hints of other colors also caught my eyes. My professor seemed to think it would be easy for me.
As she smiled, she held the cloth up for me and that's when I realized it was actually a robe. I let her put it on me, realizing she was giving me the robe to keep because I had accepted the task of finishing it.
The robe looked too small for me, but somehow it worked. I would adjust, adapt, change.
This particular dream is not clear for me. What have I agreed to finish? What's the symbol here? I'll find out eventually ;).
Monday, October 20, 2014
Reflection on Kalisz
So, it's right around right around this point that I some final reflections about my time in Kalisz this year. There will likely be more posts about specific moments in Poland, but I'm feeling a bit more meta-narrative today.
Last year I went through the gamut of healing, it seemed. I let go of a lot of hurt and anger I didn't even realize I was holding on to. This year, with the lens no longer focused inward, I could begin to look around and think of being a blessing to others.
It hasn't been very long since my eyes were opened to the prophetic within me and I asked God for more gifting in this area. It would seem God decided to use Kalisz as a training ground.
For session after session I drew small prophetic pictures for different groups in the pages of my journal. I even briefly reflected on how the remaining frayed bits of paper made me feel when I looked at them.
Last year I went through the gamut of healing, it seemed. I let go of a lot of hurt and anger I didn't even realize I was holding on to. This year, with the lens no longer focused inward, I could begin to look around and think of being a blessing to others.
It hasn't been very long since my eyes were opened to the prophetic within me and I asked God for more gifting in this area. It would seem God decided to use Kalisz as a training ground.
For session after session I drew small prophetic pictures for different groups in the pages of my journal. I even briefly reflected on how the remaining frayed bits of paper made me feel when I looked at them.
The pages ripped from my journal remind me that I'm not alone on this journey.
I am reminded of the connections between us. Us, this big, beautiful body of Christ.
A bride.
It was so exciting to engage with God this way and to begin to see a larger, even more beautiful portrait of His bride. When I'm moved prophetically it's often in images, and each image I see is like looking at a piece of God's heart revealed.
This week I saw more pieces and caught a bigger vision for how they all fit together. I understood more the importance of building others up in their faith. At the end of the day, that is the point of every person's unique combination of personality and gifting. Wherever you are, this is your potential 'building up' place. Who can you encourage today?
I see the students I encounter and my heart is moved for them. My colleagues, people on the bus, the bus driver. Everyone! I don't want to miss my moments: those divine appointments God set up for me because He just knew I would be the right person to reach someone else. I am reminded of three words my ministry partner has taught me: Look, Listen, Love.
It seems only fitting that at the beginning of my own faith journey the same words would ring true, and lessons learned and to be learned would be mirrored.
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