Now, I may have convinced myself that I didn't need to hear an apology from someone but God knew better and he gracefully provided for me.
Later during the morning meeting, the youth (under 30) were called up to receive prayer and Alisa came to pray for me. No one else from team Italy had come to this particular morning meeting so it was just me and her.
She began to pray over me and before I knew it she started tearing up. She confessed that she didn't realize the burden she had been carrying for her family's part of the slave trade in North America. Her family had owned slaves in Texas, and while they hadn't had a huge operation, just one slave in her opinion was already too many. She then asked for forgiveness and I felt something crack and shift inside me. No one had ever before apologized to me. I freely forgave her and thanked her for apologizing, and in short order we were both sobbing all over each other. I imagine we got a few strange looks.
We may have had puffy wet faces, but I think both our hearts had a new lightness to them, and also a new link.
While Alisa continued to pray for me the message she had for me was to think BIG. She received for me that there was a ministry of my own prepared for me, and that if an idea scared me, than that was the bigness I was to go for. She said, "Thing big. If it scares you, that's good."
The funny thing is that she didn't even remember saying any of that to me. Apparently she doesn't remember most of the prophetic words she receives. Either way, it was nice to hear.
Her words were also timely, because I am now at a point where I have to make a decision for God, and I need to make it soon or risk missing the train. This restored heart for Italy and Europe is an important part of it all, I am sure. It was with great joy and mindfulness that I entered into communion with everyone over the rest of the week, and the final communion, in which everyone present broke break together, was especially nice for me. Whatever the heart of anyone else, I know that at least on this issue my conscience is clear before God. Certainly there will be more levels of healing that come through the years, but that burning anger and defensiveness is gone, and I am free.