I swear I speak more and more like an English person with each minute I stay in Milan. I've even been told recently that when I lead worship it comes out in an English accent! But that's for another post.
This post is about making a go of things. You know, trying to accomplish something without really understanding what's going on. You kinda wing it. In my case I felt clearly the call of God upon me to serve in Italy. I immediately went to work planning it all out. Really I should have known better but the control freak in me thought I knew exactly how and when God's calling on my life was supposed to take place.
I have come to a point now where I can acknowledge that though God did give me a heart for Italy, he didn't say it had to be now, right this instant, and he didn't say it was specifically as a teacher with the occasional side gig singing in bars. And given my unforeseen visa difficulties, I am inclined to think God is telling me to wait for something. By faith, waiting and not knowing will no longer be a spiritual problem for me. By faith I can wait on the Lord and not rush ahead making five million plans, or even just one plan, that all come together in a way that makes "perfect sense". Well, to me, at least.
Recent experiences would suggest that one of those somethings I need to wait for is a renewed heart for Italy, and that I also need healing. As I already stated, patience can be added to the list. Really, God's will is the best place to be, but I know I am called to sacrifice something. Of course we want to give God our all in our walks with Him, but some people are not ready for what that actually means in their lived reality. Sometimes I'm not ready for what that means. Maybe that initial feeling of "go home" wasn't completely unfounded after all. In my walk with God my family and friends have been the only things making my decisions difficult. Though I am in Milan right now, when I go home (admittedly much sooner than any of us had anticipated, and much to my mother's joy) I will enjoy my time with family and friends, and I fully entrust them to God's care now and when He calls me away from them. In the words of Jeremy Camp (hopefully the connection here does not go unnoticed...) "I wait for the Lord. My soul waits."