Post 47

I was sure yesterday that I would not leave that church building still single. I am still single, but I remain hopeful. The youth pastors, a married couple, talked about men and women, relationships and all that jazz, and even encouraged some of the youth to get a move on with things.

All the single people were asked to raise their hands. Then we were told instead to stand up and take a good look around. It was slightly awkward, but I’m sure it was also wonderful confirmation for some of the folks too shy and/or ill connected to otherwise figure out whether or not the person they liked was single.

Pastor Stefania shared the message for the women, and she talked about Rebecca and Isaac. The main point of the evening was seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven and trusting that everything else will come as it should. We will find ourselves in the right place at the right time in all areas of our life if we remain in God’s will for us. I’m inclined to agree with this assessment.

After the message my cell group mates and I hustled down to do the last minute final preparations for the party. It was all rather exciting, and I daresay the party turned out quite well, against my expectations.

 Some of us came down in our romance movie costumes and some of us had to change downstairs. I was one of those people, and I found the most secluded section of the place where I changed in peace. Not being bound by modesty as women are, one of my cell group mates did his business behind the coat rack, and then he sort of didn’t stay behind the coat rack and I got a view of how many hours he puts in at the gym.

Be still, my heart.

My roommate meant to tell me before the party that she though he might like me, judging by the way he watched me when we were all at my place eating lunch and rehearsing for the play. I refrain from having an opinion, as my discernment in this area has been terrible as of late.

On a side note, I think it’s a major misconception that women don’t struggle with lust. We are not any less sexual creatures, and we have our fair share of desire. At this moment I am once again trying to navigate everything in a manner pleasing to God.

I’ve always had intense feelings, but the memory of that one time I prayed for my sensitivity to go away and God answered and I felt so horrible and empty and not me that I franticly prayed for God to give me my feelings back and instead help me navigate them in a manner pleasing to Him (phew!), makes me not want to pray away any of my libido. I rather like my libido, thank you very much. I just need to be attentive. Besides, what I’m looking for goes much further than just physical attraction, and that's not even at the top of my list. (It is on the list though...)

I’ve been told that Americans tend to be more repressed. For many people here, taking off your shirt might not be that big of a deal. I had one student run around in his little euro-male shorts while I waited for him to change after a lesson, and I was thoroughly scandalized. He seemed unperturbed.

Attraction is a beautiful gift and I daresay a necessary ingredient in any relationship (or at least in any relationship I hope to be in…), but it needs to be placed in perspective with other things. At any rate, my current goal is to navigate this set of my feelings well. I know that I can with the help and power of the Spirit.